Part 3. Why We Must Actively Curate Our Own Positive Black Images
- Clauthia Rai
- Nov 9
- 3 min read
Why We Must Actively Curate Our Own Positive Black Images
By Clauthia Rai
In my last two posts, we've talked about the need for a [New Lesson Plan for Love] and the [lessons I'm still learning after 30 years of marriage]. We've focused on the internal work—un-learning the "ride or die" scripts and choosing a path of peace and vulnerability.
But there is an external battle that we must also acknowledge. It's a question I've been wrestling with:
What happens to our "New Lesson Plan" when the world is constantly trying to rip out the pages?
You cannot build a healthy house with poisoned materials. And you cannot build a healthy self-image when the cultural "materials" you're given are consistently negative.
Let's be honest: there feels like a plot to never show positive Black images again.
We have seen our heroes and icons, the men who represented Black excellence—Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson, Prince—systematically torn down. Their legacies are complicated, but the impact of losing those positive symbols is real.
But it's the double standard that hits the hardest.
When executive producers of major films are on human trafficking lists...
When church after church gets caught in a cycle of molestation...
When other communities' heroes are caught in sex rings...
...their entire culture is not blamed. Their heroes are not taken away.
But for us, the heroes are so limited. The view of what we see, what we're allowed to be, is so often negative, skewed, and rooted in trauma.
And that matters. It matters because it tells our children what's possible. It matters because it seeps into our subconscious and tries to tear down the "New Lesson Plan" we are working so hard to write.
The New Lesson: Curate or Be Consumed
We cannot wait for the media. We cannot wait for Hollywood. We cannot wait for "them" to give us permission to see ourselves as whole, healthy, and successful.
The old lesson was to find heroes.
The new lesson is to be the hero and to curate the heroes around us.
This is an active, daily choice. It is an act of revolutionary self-care.
"Curating" your images means taking back control of what you consume. It means:
Fasting from "Junk Food" Media: Unfollowing the gossip blogs, turning off the shows that only depict us in trauma, and refusing to let negativity have a seat at your table.
Feasting on What Feeds You: Actively seeking out the blogs, books, and images that show healthy Black love. Following the Black couple on Instagram who travels, the Black woman who is resting and peaceful, the Black man who is a dedicated father.
Creating Your Own Image: This is the most important part. You must become the positive image. The way you love your partner, the way you heal yourself, the way you carry yourself with peace—that becomes the new, positive image for your children and your community.
Your "Classroom" Should Be a Sanctuary
You cannot do this deep work in a hostile environment. You cannot write your "New Lesson Plan" in a room where people are shouting.
This is why our retreats exist.
We have created a sacred, safe "classroom" where the only images you will see are positive ones.
Where the only conversations are ones that build you up.
Where you are surrounded by the positive, healing, and beautiful reflections of Black women and Black couples who are on the same journey as you.
This is not an escape from reality. This is an immersion in the reality we are choosing to build.
For Women: If you are tired of the negative images and ready to spend a week immersed in sisterhood, healing, and joy, I invite you to join us.
About RaiStone Retreats
For Couples: If you want to build a relationship that becomes the positive, healthy image of Black love for your family and community, let's do the work together.
It's time to change the channel.
—Clauthia Rai
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